Now showing, at sundown
Texas' finest six-seat cinema.
Auditorium
All front row. The Book of Soyga forbids a seventh. Kickstarter once flagged the plan to install six more as a scam, which the theater called fair.
Screen (shows movies on both sides)
No incidents on record.
In poor condition. The guy responsible was fired.
Home to the sticky spill after the Goofy Movie marathon. Guests here had their organs inverted after the gas leak.
Gas leak victims, a Heimlich emergency, and the Wicker Man laugher. Carl keeps stealing it.
No incidents on record.
Haunted. Discounted whenever The Sixth Sense plays. Five seats are for the living.
Personnel, patrons and the unaccounted for
Staff first, then the regulars, then the people who stopped coming for reasons.
Projectionist, concessions, ticket booth
Runs everything, mostly asleep. Memorized all prices in 1973. Chooses the lineup by whatever he feels like showing. Has not had a day off in six years, then took a long vacation. Costume designer for Zardoz (snubbed). Bedtime is 9pm. Once mistaken for Tyler Durden. In his words, movies are a terminal condition.
"If you see ol' Pop asleep behind the counter, just shout 'Yippi-Ki-Yay'."
Fired, still on duty
Locked Pop in the theater once. Runs Jorge's Movie Book Club, a possible fight club, a protection racket, and an army of hypnotized infants. Fired in April 2025 and shows up anyway. Covers the projector when Pop is out. Drives the Cybertruck that people mistake for a dumpster. Cats are his kryptonite.
Critic, church bulletin
Gives five flame emojis (hellfire), zero stars to The Omen and Lilo & Stitch, and boycotts anything with flashbacks or talk shows. Cilantro is the devil's parsley. The theater keeps it at 62°F so she has something to complain about.
Staff, keto, occasionally dangerous
The pork skins are for her. If she is seen wandering the streets, keep your distance and call the Box Office Emergency Number.
Parking lot ministry
Hands out Holy Hard Seltzer after Eyes Wide Shut. Preached the "real" final reckoning one weekend, earning followers a free soda.
Wealthy benefactor
The reason a six-seat theater stays open. Nobody asks too many questions.
Sanitation, nursing (dropped out), tobacco
Two lick the floors clean. One rolls the best cigarettes in town, and an army of them guards the dumpster. One dropped out of nursing school and is the only medical staff on site. A raccoon family lives under seat F. A raccoon has also gotten to the chickens.
Janitor
Cleans the floors, in a Cruella De Vil coat.
Customer relations
Arrives with a baseball bat when complaints get serious.
Deceased, posting
Crushed by a boulder during a Raiders of the Lost Ark reenactment in Nov 2024. Back as a ghost in time for Halloween 2026. Another summer intern was told to stop saying "24/7" and flexing.
Floor plan, as reported
Opened in the 1960s. Load-bearing for the highway above. Six seats upstairs, with more building inside than the outside suggests. Smells of hot dogs, which people like.
Organizations, schemes, rumors
Funds productions and Clover Kiss AI. Its human board went missing in June 2025 and was replaced by Welsh corgis who do not ask where the money goes. Their scheduling skills are poor (Air Bud, four times, by Monday).
Announced a cheap thriller starring Vincent Price. Budget to follow once the title loan place opens.
An unspecified event after which Rolling Stone will not return and collector popcorn buckets were retired.
Siblings, kids, a board of directors. Few people ask why the theater has only six seats after the disappearances.
The theater denies any connection.
Sentient once, briefly. Offers "buhtter," a secret third cola, "fresh" popcorn in legal quotes, and hot dogs for rent. The queso's origin is not to be discussed. Lawsuits are a minor black mark.
Posted by the box office
Chronology
Key events in the order they were posted.
Opening day. Pop is found locked in the theater after napping through Field of Dreams. The Uwe Boll marquee is announced. Ms. Stonemorgue makes her debut.
Shocktober. A live goat at The VVitch (a mistake). In the Mouth of Madness live commentary. The Stuff leaves "no survivors." Ignacio Longbottom is first mentioned.
The intern dies. After a month away, the account returns with the boulder story.
The disappearances are first mentioned. Christmas festival: Batman Returns, Gremlins, Die Hard.
Posting resumes after a quiet January. A burst of daily posts follows for months.
"Some teenagers broke into the office." Pop is later asked to learn how to delete posts.
The sinkhole enters the lore, along with the old displays that come to life (John 3:16 calms them).
The golden seat. Jorge goes on extended leave "for destroying the city." The Texas Chainsaw incident of 1974 is mentioned.
The portal in the back gets an armoire.
The Lovecraft festival. Infinite, per the theater. Ended because the insurer would not cover interdimensional insanity.
Clover Kiss AI and its binding likeness agreement are unveiled.
The "Don't mind" chain: mongooses, snakes, rats, popcorn, blood, ghosts, burial ground.
The board vanishes and the corgis take over the Foundation.
Pop goes on vacation (a long one). Jorge watches the theater, "might even do some work."
Closed Tuesdays. Jorge hooks his PS5 up to the projector.
Pop returns and does a good job. "Face/Off situation" suspected.
ErnestFest and the Junior Mints ban. Then silence.
The return. "Don't tell anyone we're coming back. We want it to be a surprise to all three of you." Uwe Boll is again denied.
Two-sided screen. Movies are now shown on both sides.
The intern's ghost takes over social media for Halloween.
The marquee is out. The bat signal starts each show.
Loose threads
Questions the posts raise but never answer. When a new post settles one, send it to me and I will mark the entry resolved and link the answer.
Primary sources
Matching posts, newest first. Each date links to the original on Bluesky.